All the More
You cannot miss out on what is meant for you.
I have no empirical evidence for this. I’m not even sure where I first heard it. But I believe it.
When the call of the day is self-optimization to the nth degree and the modality is head down and hustle, it’s a pretty radical thing to believe.
The first six months I was in a writing group I mostly didn’t write. I lurked. I dabbled. I punished myself for not writing. You are missing out on such a unique opportunity, I’d say to myself. They’re going to kick you out. You don’t belong here anyways.
Then, eventually I started writing. I’m not exactly sure what happened. There were kind people in this group waiting to receive my words and somehow that community held the space I needed to find my way to the keyboard. Over and over again.
Now, in addition, I’ve found my way to another group of people that I write with several times a week. In total, more than a hundred of us have passed through. Dozens of us write together each week. During Tuesday’s writing session with these folks, I stopped and looked around and thought, my goodness, there are 18 hours of writing entering the world at this very moment. I suspect someone else in that group has punished themself for not find a more efficient and consistent route to the keyboard. Nevertheless, or maybe all the more, here we are writing together.
Who knows exactly what it is that finally draws us into the space where we know we must be?
What if the truth is that it happens slowly, drip by drip? By a million internal negotiations and with dozens of individuals and after hundreds of days of averting our eyes from the truest thing we know we must do? What if it happens in the stumbling and the royally screwing up and in the spats of hurting ourselves and one another? What if it comes to pass even among the nights spent shaken from sleep by the feedback loops of our blunders?
What if it happens here and now? What if that’s what all of this is? This is not missing our boat.
I was reminded of the Four Immutable Laws of the Spirit: Whoever is present are the right people. Whenever it begins is the right time. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened. And when it's over, it's over. - Anne Lamott
